Taken from a series based on stories told to me whilst I’ve visited care homes, written in the hope they might cause pause for thought…

A week has passed since I arrived here. My daughter has visited most days – she asks “what’s the news?” – I honestly can’t tell her. Life here revolves around food – breakfast, morning coffee, lunch, afternoon tea, dinner at 5.30, evening snack, late night snack. And amidst it all, staff asking you what you want to eat for all of the aforementioned meals. There are always two choices for a meal, and more at breakfast. And there is always cream. Cream with everything. Each time I politely leave it on the side of the plate. We all do. But at the next meal it’s back. Perhaps I need to be more assertive.

A week ago, before I moved here, I had a kitchen of my own – I could make a drink and crucially, offer others a drink. The staff tell me I “don’t have to do that – I just need to ask”. That’s a good thing apparently. There’s a kitchen, indeed there’s a whole coffee bar area – but I’m just not sure if I can use it.

Breakfast for many years has been an egg or porridge, some fruit, some toast and coffee. I like “proper” coffee when I can. The staff respond enthusiastically to my requests – the egg is produced (hard boiled) for me and the top removed. With porridge, the (warm!) milk is poured for me. My toast (white bread) is buttered or more accurately mashed for me. The coffee is plunged for me, poured for me, then taken away. I say, hopefully, “that’s fine, I can do that”. “You don’t need to” I’m told, “that’s what we’re here for”. “Perhaps you could leave the cafetiere – I might like some more” I say. “Just ask us” they say, “it’s only in the way. In any case you don’t want to get scalded.” No, I wouldn’t want to get scalded. Come to think of it, in all my 90 years, I don’t think I’ve ever been scalded. They clearly know something I don’t. “I’m happy to butter my toast” I say hopefully, relishing the thought of a non mashed piece of bread”.

“Of course” I am told, “that’s your choice”.